Sometimes, along the way, between the excitement and joy that comes with each new life there comes a bump along the road. These are the things not planned for, the things that can cause anxiety and fear. Happy moments that started with being able to view your tiny bub on an ultrasound screen shows that something isn’t there. From the big things to the little things, here is where the grieving begins. Grieving isn’t always about loss. Grieving even the little things is okay. Because as a mother you want every part of your sweet baby to be perfect.
You stare at the screen in confusion because sometimes the doctors office can’t tell what the ultrasound shows. “Well, we can’t tell for sure, but we would like you to see a Maternal Fetal Specialist for a more thorough look.” So you wait on the referral, for a new ultrasound, in a new office. This is where the hard part begins, where you don’t have any more information to explain what is actually happening. This is where prayer and support from those around you can mean so much.
You message your doula and she says, “How about I meet you at the office.” She’s there to support you through this every step of the way. You arrive at the office at the same time, your husband is by your side. She walks you directly to the office hoping that through her confidence you are able to let go of some of your fear.
When you finally are ushered into the new ultrasound room you are hoping that your fears don’t come true. The excitement of seeing her tiny fingers and the profile of her face glows on your face. Dad sits in the corner a bundle of nerves. Your doctor finally come in after viewing the ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis. Some of your fear drifts away, you now have the knowledge you were seeking. The doctor gives an encouraging word and suggests a followup visit to keep an eye on things. You have let go of some of your fears and yet there are new ones to process. How do I tell my mother? What will they think of me? Did I cause this? What do we do now? And I’m sure there are many others.
I wish I had all of the answers for you and I pray that if you are a woman of faith that you will be able to draw upon the Lord’s strength in the coming weeks. Because I see His Glory written all over your story.